So Many Masks, So Little Time

I've written and taught about wearing masks before, but this post (The Joy of Quitting) from Seth got me thinking.  What if we burned our masks (the type that suck away our authenticity) in some great fire?

Politicians tend to be prone to mask wearing.  Ironic as that may be, since they really are supposed to be servants of the citizenry.  This is soberly played out in the video clip link of President Nixon in Seth's post.  The pre-speech interaction and honesty is worth the view.

When you wear masks to "project" or to deceive, you are taking a poison pill.  A pill that takes life very slowly…over time.  Most would agree that it's not worth the cost. 

Have you come to that conclusion?

Here are a some stakeholders who stand to benefit when the masks are discarded:

  1. Your family.  Believe me, they are longing for you to show up.
  2. Your career.  Are you really doing what is consistent with your wiring?
  3. Your next entrepreneur venture.  The potential benefactors of your ideas are worn out from empty ideas by mask-wearers.
  4. Your customers.  Too much coming at them-everyday-for you to be anything less than authentic.
  5. Your organization.  They may see potential in you that you're afraid to face.

The Calling-Red Pill Versus Blue Pill

Came across this post (via Dan Schawbel on Twitter) from Yahoo Hot Jobs and felt inspired to include the video clip above.  It's from the Matrix.  The classic scene between Morbius and Neo, where a pill of blue and a pill of red are offered to Neo.  Essentially, stay dead with the blue or wake up with the red.

My intention here is to alert you to #5 on the list from Yahoo.  I totally disagree with the writer's assertion that not everyone is called to something.  Granted, some may not know, some might have forgotten or some may be trying to kill it.  But everyone has a calling.

Sadly, we live in a culture that stands in opposition to your calling.

God weaved the vision in you and I.  The crux is what we allow "the Matrix" to take away or kill.  Every story is hinged on this conflict.

A Matter Of Trust

Lock and Key

I became a guide long before I became an entrepreneur.  That's important because it reveals motivation.  Don't get me wrong, I don't deserve an award or a round of applause.  But for context purposes I believe it to be important.

When I first began this journey almost 7 years ago, we were living in a different time.  People (specifically in the corporate world) were running at a fast clip and hiding.  Fast clip in regards to chasing down success, and hiding in regards to thinking success (rewards/outward manifestations) could shield us from having to deal with who we really are.

Then came along the meltdown.  The economic stuff caught many off guard and left many facing detours or "road closed ahead" moments.  Maybe God was doing us a favor.  The quintessential "hey, you need to take off the mask and be who you are" moment.  There really is no substitute for authenticity.

But here's the deal; not many coaches, leaders, gurus, consultants, et al. are advising you to pause and look around.  Seems like there's just a lot of selling going on.  7 years ago it was how to turn all that fast-track good will into the next big thing, or a seminar on how to retire at 50.  Now we've moved to programs on starting your own business now that Fannie Mae has sold us down the river, or how to turn government stimulus funds into a cash-cow.

Maybe you were meant to follow the path described above.  But don't go there unless your wiring (your personality, your vision, your talents) is a fit.  Don't follow that road because of someone's or something's dogma persuades you to.  Life is so brief.

I have a vested (read my book, read my bio, see what others are saying) interest in you following the path that your destiny is screaming for you to follow.

Here are some things to weigh as you decide who you should trust:

  • You've got to follow your gut.  It is a trustworthy barometer.
  • You've got to look for sincerity.  This is done by asking tough questions that are important to you.
  • Sometimes the most trustworthy people are those that tell you "no, I can't help you."
  • To trust is to know beyond the business plan.
  • Trust is found in those who stand on their motivations and not their outcomes.

This post and mission are all about a matter of trust.

 

Learning From Your Mistakes

Footprint2

As I looked at my father's gravesite for the first time today, I couldn't help but think of his ability to just "move on."  That's a very valuable tool in life and career.

He had presence, but he always had this sense to know when the game was over.  Almost like a coach saying "we're down by twenty and there's only two minutes left…time to accept the loss and prepare for the next one."  Knowing that you'd be better for the lesson of losing-no matter how painful.

We live in a time where success (outward wise) and glory matter a lot.  Even though there really isn't as much value there as we think.  The idea of mistakes/failures do not resonate very well in environments like ours.  We'll peek behind the curtain only if no one is looking.

So whether you're responsible for a big project or trying change a behavior at home, you need to allow yourself room for mistakes.  For example, when I first started to make running a part of my exercise routine I never considered breathing.  I thought my breathing was fine just like always.  Wrong!  But the mistake (manifested by my lack of energy to finish) drove me to ask questions.  Runner's World magazine helped me with the subject of proper breathing and my running got better.  See my point?

Here are some ideas to consider, life and career, that will help you learn from your mistakes:

  • Maybe the time has come for you to stop being afraid of making a mistake.  People who are living to not "screw it up" are heart attacks waiting to happen.
  • True love is found in mistakes.  It stays even when the crowd disappears.  This can be a great way to know who is really for you.
  • Mistakes are indicators of your willingness to learn.  See Thomas Edison's story for more on this.
  • Mistakes are essential in the process of innovation. 
  • Mistakes will give you a gauge on your risk tolerance.  If you're always avoiding mistakes, you won't dare something great.  Greatness implies risk.
  • Your followers are watching to find out if making a mistake is "OK."  Your willingness, or unwillingness, will cast a wide shadow.
  • Learning from your mistakes increases the chances of not repeating.

The Idea Of Pain In Life And Career

The following is an article/post that really moved me.  It's a story you may know, but the lessons are timeless. 

I found a part of myself in Mr. Jackson.

Pain
by Charles R. Swindoll

They called him "Old
Hickory" because of his tenacity and grit. His mother chose "Andrew" on March
15, 1767, when she gave birth to that independent-minded South Carolina rebel.
Wild, quick-tempered, and disinterested in school, Andrew answered the call for
soldiers to resist the British invasion at age thirteen. Shortly thereafter, he
was taken prisoner. Refusing to black an enemy officer's boots, he was struck
with a saber—Andrew's introduction to pain.

Although he bore the
marks of the blow for the rest of his life, Andrew's fiery disposition never
waned. A fighter to the core, he chose to settle arguments in duels and lived
most of his days with two bullets painfully wedged in his body. After he
distinguished himself on the battlefield, his name became a national synonym for
valor and stern persistence. When politics nodded in his direction, "Old
Hickory" accepted the challenge: first the Senate, then nomination for
President. The shadow of pain appeared again in another form as he lost a narrow
race with John Quincy Adams.

Four years later,
however, he ran again . . . and won! But pain accompanied the victory. Two
months before he took office he lost his beloved wife, Rachel. Grief-stricken,
the President-elect pressed on. Even as he was being sworn into office as our
nation's seventh President, he fought the anguish of a raging fever caused by an
abscess in the lung.

Some time later, one
of the bullets within him had to be surgically removed. He endured that
operation—done without anesthetic—in typically courageous fashion. Even his
political career was painful. A nasty scandal split his cabinet, and critics
clawed at him like hungry lions. Although he stood firm for many months, the
telling signs of pain began to manifest themselves. He was one of the few men
who left office, however, more popular than when he came. "For once, the rising
was eclipsed by the setting sun," wrote a contemporary sage. And it was pain,
more than any other single factor, which drew the qualities of greatness out of
Andrew Jackson.

Pain humbles the
proud. It softens the stubborn. It melts the hard. Silently and relentlessly, it
wins battles deep within the lonely soul. The heart alone knows its own sorrow
and not another person can fully share in it. Pain operates alone; it needs no
assistance. It communicates its own message whether to statesman or servant,
preacher or prodigal, mother or child. By staying, it refuses to be ignored. By
hurting, it reduces its victim to profound depths of anguish. And it is at that
anguishing point that the sufferer either submits and learns, developing
maturity and character, or resists and becomes embittered, swamped by self-pity,
smothered by self-will.

I have tried and I
cannot find, either in Scripture or history, a strong-willed individual whom God
used greatly until He allowed him to be hurt deeply.

It was just such a
person who wrote these words for all to read:

Guests
Pain
knocked upon my door and said
That she had come to stay,
And though I
would not welcome her
But bade her go away,
She entered in.
Like my own
shade
She followed after me,
And from her stabbing, stinging sword
No
moment was I free.
And then one day another knocked
Most gently at my
door.
I cried, "No, Pain is living here,
There is not room for
more."
And then I heard His tender voice,
"'Tis I, be not afraid."
And
from the day He entered in,
The difference it made!

—Martha Snell
Nicholson

 


Excerpted from Come Before Winter and Share My Hope, Copyright ©
1985, 1994 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide. Used by
permission.


Leadership Development and Your Authentic Wiring

There is a lot of emphasis in leader development on knowing who you are.  In other words, how you're authentically wired.  This is a good thing.

Analyzing a leader's wiring is effective in making sure the leader finds the work best suited for their strengths.  It helps organizations as they determine right fits for their structure.  I can't think of a more liberating place to be than to see oneself doing what makes the heart come alive.

There are some downsides though. 

As it is with a country who has lived under dictatorial rule for decades, so it is with leaders who've been squelched in their attempts to be authentic.  But sometimes liberation can lead to license, or worse, addiction to self-empowerment.  Almost like the liberators deciding that being a dictator is not so bad now that power is in hand.

The practical danger for leaders who discover they're authentic wiring comes when they believe the organization/team must submit to their way of seeing the world.  For example, I'm the type of leader who needs to connect emotionally, before any type of transaction can occur.  This is important to me.  However, I can't expect that a client or partner will give me this every time we meet.  I don't have to deny or give up my value (emotional connection), but I do have to practice the art of give and take.  If I never receive the emotional connection, then certainly I'm in the wrong place/organization. 

Here are some tips on how to prevent your wiring from overrunning your path to becoming a quality leader:

  1. Make sure you're organization is a fit with your wiring.  This is not about placing judgment on the quality or health of your organization.  It's about what is the right fit for who you really are.
  2. If you've just discovered your authentic wiring, don't begin to believe that the sun, moon and stars now revolve around you.
  3. Learn to be a better communicator.  You'll need this as you start to live out what was given within.
  4. As Stephen Covey has said; "seek first to understand, then to be understood."
  5. Focus on the needs of your followers, before your own.  Leaders who do this build trust and loyalty.

What Do You Mean by Life-Long Learner?

Overheard a lady today talking/complaining about the difficulty in finding a job.  I don't know if her lack of employment was due to attitude, or the business cycle.  I felt for her.

What struck me though, was her statement that she was educated and that not being able to find a job made no sense.  Don't know what level of education she was speaking of, but she seemed confident of it's ability to garner a good job.

The expectation of completed education providing a well paved road to a job is a problem.

In the age (early 21st century) we live in you'd be well served to be a life-long learner.  I define this as someone who continually seeks to gain knowledge-formal or informal.  Life-long learners seek to apply what they learn and they understand the art of "process."  The art of process is the idea of no arrivals or destinations. 

Here are some tips for becoming/staying a life-long learner:

  1. Expect challenges and don't get comfortable.
  2. Explore areas you wouldn't normally seek out.  For example, buy a book on economic cycles over the last 50 years.  By doing this you'll gain understanding on how our economy ebbs and flows.  Who knows you might stop connecting your future career condition to Obama and McCain.
  3. Be diverse.  Go find others with different lenses than yours.  You don't have to agree with them to learn from them.
  4. Find your destiny.  Not enough time to go through that process here, but those that know their destiny tend to see the importance of learning.
  5. Don't be event minded.  Just because you go to the seminar at work doesn't translate to change.  And we all know that change should equate to learning.

Loving and Falling in Love

First, I'm not turning into a romance novelist.  But I am going to correlate romantic love with our work (the thing that is connected to our wiring).

I think a big problem with marriage and long-term relationships is the misconceived notion of what falling in love means.  There is a reason they call it "falling."  Falling implies a never-ending experience.  Unfortunately, we find ways to stop falling and then everything changes-for the worse. For example, I know people in relationships where they love each other.  But they're not in love anymore.  No pursuing, no ache, no shakes, and certainly no flowers.  They're together, but dead.

Does this sound like your work relationship?

Some out there may be thinking about refuting the above.  You might be thinking about how the warm and fuzzy does not last a lifetime.  You might be thinking that I don't know all the hurtful things he said.

I'm not writing this to make you feel bad about love gone wrong or shame you about a divorce.  All I'm saying is that to sustain "falling in love" you must make a decision and manage it accordingly.  Sometimes it will be effortless and sometimes it will feel like its killing you.  But either way you have a decision to make. 

So make it.

Here are some tips on staying "in love" with your work:

  • Stop and ask yourself why you're spending 50+ hours doing what you do.  Scot Herrick has a great post on how career management is about your dream.
  • Stop thinking that your work will make you happy.  If you're expecting it to make you happy, you'll quit when failure comes.
  • Start thinking like an entrepreneur and not an employee.  You need to see the true value of what you do, and entrepreneurss understand this.
  • Stop hanging with the pessimists.  These are the people that are always talking about the impending doom on the horizon.
  • Staying "in love" leads to a great life.
  • Do something different today.  Surprise your work with a new approach.
  • Stay a learner.  Learning won't let you fall out of love.

Watch Out for the Blocks

Spoke last week to a group about blocks to their spiritual journey.  It made some uncomfortable, and that was a good thing.  Discomfort can cause one to think harder about things that comfort allows you to ignore.

Have you thought about your blocks, specifically those in your career? 

I don't recommend focusing too much attention on blocks, but managing and eliminating, so you're best can come thru, is the wisest approach.  Blocks are there to be dealt with.  I'm amazed at how often they're allowed to take on roots in our career garden.

Here are some "blocks" that can be very detrimental as you navigate your career:

  1. Insecurities – these are dangerous because we often agree with them in our minds and hearts.
  2. Comfort- it creates a false sense of security.
  3. Intolerance – specifically, of new ideas, new people or new markets.
  4. Inward focus – cripples your desire to network and to learn from the outside world.
  5. Lust – a maddening desire for whatever causes an itch.  Think power and promotion here.
  6. Career – too much on this one and you'll forget that life is more important.
  7. Lack of vision – lack of vision is a block to seeing a great future.
  8. Apathy – an mindset rooted in; "I've heard it all before."  If you have a pulse you haven't heard it all before.