After much searching, maybe you’ve come to the conclusion that it’s much better to just be who you are. I really believe you won’t embrace change until you get to the end of the search.
At the end of a search you should be tired, maybe sick and tired.
I know that many will not go here. They’d rather escape or medicate. It’s sad when a life, brief as it is, is made up in a spiral of dead ends.
Here are 5 reasons to just be who you are:
You will run out of time. You, me, Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs, and everyone else has this in common.
Heaven knows we don’t need any more actors or actresses. I’ve given some Oscar-worthy performances in my life and they left me with nothing.
The secret of success is found in being who you are. Warning here, the world you live in probably has a cheap imitation to offer. If you’re not careful, you could be fooled.
The world is starving for it. With so many people neck deep in their own kingdom building, people are looking for the “real thing.” Many wonder if it really exists any longer. Hope is found in authenticity.
You could find out why God made you. How wonderful! This is a connection you shouldn’t underestimate.
In many ways being social is an open door to being real. Ever wonder why many don’t go that route? More and more, being social is an open door to being a fake.
The most prominent way of being social in 2014 is found online. We have portals like Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and LinkedIn that are rooted in the idea of social networking. These tools give people the ability to tell their story. As you know, the motivations vary from job-hunting, PR, to show boating. Everyone has a voice.
So why aren’t we more real?
In time past (pre-social media), most of us were known by a limited audience. Usually, the span was friends, family and the people we went to school or worked with. This network usually found out about your stuff via phone or getting together in the flesh. In those situations you had a pretty small universe to shine. This probably kept us, for the most part, humble. And humility is what’s missing now.
“Marketing is a lie, so we can tell ourselves a lie, that we desperately want to believe.” – Author Unknown
Fast forward to the now and we have a completely different ball game. Now we’re obsessed by how many likes we get, how many followers we have or who’s in our network. All this for the sake of a lie. Many don’t even know it’s a lie. We’ve watered down truth so much, that we can’t tell the difference. Our endless pursuit of validation and success (defined by a culture in decline) rips apart truth, and the identity it reveals. I equate true identity to being real, no matter the cost. There is no bigger a lie than a life wearing a mask.
If you’re longing for more, then the crossroads is near to your view.
I find it amazing that the world is starving for the real and we stay fixated on the proposition. I’ve made this mistake:
Presenting my story the way I thought I should
Taking engagements because I thought it would make me more viable
Partnering with rock stars because I thought we stood for the same things
Being scared of what people might think
Trusting snakes disguised as angels
Being real is a risk-filled offer. After years of getting this down in my head and my heart, there is no other alternative. Risk is a very reasonable price to pay for such a pay-off as becoming the real thing. The most important part is you’ll start to venture into what lies over the sun. The activities of manipulating just to make a short-term gain, posing as someone you’re not and using people to move your needle will be exposed as a waste of time you don’t have.
I'm doing more and more everyday to keep things real with everyone I encounter. This is significant because I'm a recovering actor.
We don't need anymore actors.
Keeping things real now is not such a chore for me now. Occasionally, I'll have an adviser alert me if my writing or speaking is sounding too "corportese" or "suit-like." Nothing against the corporate soldiers, it's just people have enough of that coming at them already.
Maybe it's just too terrifying for some to be who they are. Like the child at recess who feels awkward about asking to join in the game, due to the rejection of the herd previously. Or the adult sitting in the team meeting feeling embarrassed because their boss personally made them an example of what is frowned upon. If I had the ability, I would be right by their sides telling them:
"It's not you! There's nothing wrong with you."
The difficulty in keeping things real is becoming almost epidemic in my country. I mean, let's face it, many worship actors, entertainers, showmen, and celebrities. The lines of what is real and what is not have been blurred. I can understand why you might find it difficult to be who you really are.
The following is a question that came to me about 10 years ago. It stopped me cold when it landed in my ears, went to my mind and settled in my heart:
"Eric, are you really Eric or are you a representative of him?"
We don't need anymore actors. The problems we face, and will face, tell me we're going to need those who are real. People who are humble, wise and unafraid. The actors are only thinking of themselves. Believe me I know from personal experience. They really are not interested in you, just what is yours.
If you find yourself in the actor's camp today, you can look at me as an example of how one person can change. It's worth it.
Does your organization (workplace, church, association) ask you to check your authentic self at the door?If you’re like many, the answer would be yes.Why do organizations value duplication and conformity?More than likely it’s because of insecurities gone wild.
Think about it, if you encounter someone who is different thinking or different looking, what is your fist inclination?Feel threatened?Humanly we feel better around those we think are like us.We look at it as a strange type of validation.Now look at the leaders of the corporations, churches and associations.More than likely these people suffer from the disease of insecurity…times ten.
I was that way.
The “story” has already been told regarding the impact of poor leadership, but now we’re getting the harvest from decades of bad influence.That harvest is manifesting itself in the form of a counter-genuine lifeforce.You know them, there the people who wear masks and “position” themselves in every conversation.These people really don’t know who they are.After years of working and living, it’s not surprising.
Lost and not sure of what to do.
Make your choice now, authenticity or a life of positioning.Remember, if you’re not authentic, you’re a fake.Long live the authentic.
I'm all for profit, wished I had more. And I'm very into meaningful work. The problem is found in the collision of profit motive and meaningful work.
The problem rears its ugly head when the profit motive starts taking greed steroids. Meaningful work exits when this happens. I wish this scenario was rare, but you and I know it's not. The crazy part is profit and meaningful work can coexist and thrive.
In many ways we live in a tale of two cities. One city is a place where management (entry to executive) is focused on profit, expenses, quarterly news, and the like. The other city is a place where the employee is looking and longing for meaningful work. They're not immature children or idealistic dreamers, just people who understand that life is a limited time offer and they desire to make the most of the time given. This is the reality and the reason we're in such a mess, relating to how we do and live out our work.
So why are the two at odds?
At some point we put a higher value on things (money, possessions, titles) versus people and the lives they lead. And what is valued most, is what will get the lion-share of attention.
Greed and power can be just as addicting as any drug. The person is overtaken and refuses to give it up.
We started telling our children to fit in a box. See standardized testing as a measure of intelligence, for example. We've all but poisoned their ability to recognize meaningful work.
Wall Street (for those entities in the publically traded realm).
The absence of courageous leadership inside the halls of management.
I've always been about people-for better or worse, so I'm not writing to offer solutions on how to fix corporate America. In the spirit of giving you a place to start, a place to begin discovering where meaningful work may be found, I want you to take a look at the following video clip:
Any number of us have attended conferences, embarked on new programs for growth or decided to change something for the better. On the face of things, all of those choices are good. But your authentic self is where it all begins. If you fail to address authenticity, you run a great risk. No program, plan or event can help you until the authentic is addressed.
Are you still playing someone else's role?
I fully understand the trepidation involved in addressing who you really are (the authentic self). It conjures up the idea of no secrets, vulnerability and most of all honesty. This can be daunting and some just run from the proposition of "going there." But never forget that who you really are is the safest place you could ever be. I write this from experience.
Here are some things to consider as you turn to who you really are:
If you've been in the habit of lying to your self, make a decision to stop. Self-honesty is essential in finding the authentic self.
Are your friends situational? Sever the ties. Situational friends need sunny days, material success and the like to stick with you.
Join my tribe at Epic Living (located on Facebook).
What if we awoke to a world where you had no choice but to be authentic? A flood causing your authenticity, or the lack thereof, to be easily detected by those coming in contact with you. This would have scared me to death 10 years ago. Thankfully, not the case now.
I'm struck by how much time can be spent getting back our identity from a world that seems bent on taking and counterfeiting it. Even more tragic are those who never get it back or care to attempt the feat. It's as if there's a daunting figure who scares you into giving up dreaming, giving up taking a chance, giving up the willingness to be laughed at. And then you're convinced to take the position pill of safety and conformity.
The following concert clip is from Peter Gabriel. I don't know if he ever confirmed it, but I've read that the song is about a major shift in our ability to see the authenticity in other people. And instead of me trying to explain in a half way, take a peak at the clip or read the lyrics below the video:
When the night shows the signals grow on radios All the strange things they come and go, as early warnings Stranded starfish have no place to hide still waiting for the swollen Easter tide There's no point in direction we cannot even choose a side.
I took the old track the hollow shoulder, across the waters On the tall cliffs they were getting older, sons and daughters The jaded underworld was riding high Waves of steel hurled metal at the sky and as the nail sunk in the cloud, the rain was warm and soaked the crowd.
Lord, here comes the flood We'll say goodbye to flesh and blood If again the seas are silent in any still alive It'll be those who gave their island to survive Drink up, dreamers, you're running dry.
When the flood calls You have no home, you have no walls In the thunder crash You're a thousand minds, within a flash Don't be afraid to cry at what you see The actors gone, there's only you and me And if we break before the dawn, they'll use up what we used to be.
Lord, here comes the flood We'll say goodbye to flesh and blood If again the seas are silent in any still alive It'll be those who gave their island to survive Drink up, dreamers, you're running dry.
There is no doubt, the only way you're going to have a life worth remembering is getting to (or back to) a place of being "real." For whatever hell you encounter in doing it, worth the effort is an apt response to that crossroads. My prayer and energy goes out to you.
I shouln't be surprised that we've come to the point where a segment of the marketing universe is coaching "authentic." Yes, authenticity is now being taught. I guess it's a new business opportunity to reform the fake. Judging by this piece from the New York Times, many are jumping on the bandwagon. But in your gut, you're probably not surprised.
If you're someone who is learning how to express yourself in a way that fits who you are or you are someone who's going through the process of reinvention due to job loss, then I get what you're doing and this post is not meant to rub you the wrong way.
The idea of advisment around authenticity comes from a motivation to build trust. A trust to buy. What many businesses forget is people don't trust because those same businesses would rather make a sale than make a long-term relationship. In a long-term relationship there is a blend of give and take, good and bad, yes and no, you get my point. From what I see most don't have the desire or stamina to deal with that. Ironically, I don't know many people who want a one-sided (always in the favor of the business/provider) engagement as a customer or a human being.
What are we doing? I mean really, is authenticity something that we need to coach? If it is, then here's my authentic recipe/contribution to those who Really want to be more authentic:
Find out why you're here (Planet Earth).
Define what you value most and give unwavering allegiance to those things.
Manage happiness and performance on a daily basis. It's worth your time.
Consistently seek to get better through planning and goal setting.
Tell other people what you've found and are doing.
