Category: Learning

Thoughts on Marriage-The Winning and the Losing

I don't know if I've ever written a post on marriage. I know I've never written about the winning and the losing side of it. With the exception of my wife, I just haven't. Sorry.

Marriage can be a powerful part of Epic Living.

I happened upon this post while on Google + last week. The writer, Kelly Flanagan, is a therapist practicing in Wheaton, Illinois. It is by far, one of the best takes on what makes for a thriving marriage. He does an excellent job of breaking things down in a way that most anyone can unwrap. I think he's onto something that many already know; a life-long relationship is essentially about serving/giving to the person you love. The greatest irony of this is found in the fact that you get so much more back from that serving/giving.

Married or not, you'll gain a lot out of his perspective. I'd love to know if you see applications beyond marriage too. 

When Winning Produces a Loss

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May sound contrariain, but sometimes winning can produce a loss. From a sports perspective, your team may win the game, but if your star player goes down with an injury, that's a big loss. This can apply to life too. You know, we've been told how great it is to be the one who's in charge or the one everyone wants to hear from. All the while forgetting the price involved.

We've been turned into sheep. We're led along with the herd and told what we must be. All the while being seduced into believing that all of the goods and awards make being a sheep not such a bad thing. And the longer we stay in the herd, the greater the chance we will never have the will to live differently.

The reality is found in understanding that if we win at the expense of something very important, we will lose and that will be the lasting legacy.

I really don't want to insult your intelligence by creating a "here's how" list for avoiding this plague (winning that produces loss). Truth is, most of us know what we need to do (take our spouse out on a date, begin the exercise plan, cut back on work, etc.), it's just our will and courage to do it.

If you're in the category of not knowing, then read this post from awhile back for some direction.

How to Choose Happiness

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How to choose happiness may seem strange to you. Many times we look at happiness as a feeling that comes and goes. And that certainly is a part of how happiness shows up, but there is more.

I'm living proof that happiness is often a choice. It is a choice in the moments.

My statement above is not one designed to give you the impression that I am superior or more with it than you. I'm not, I just discovered a secret that's not a secret at all. Here's how it works:

Value the moments of each and every day. Really value the moments. Once you've done this you'll realize two significant things:

  1. Life is brief.
  2. You don't have time to waste.

When we REALIZE that life is brief and we don't have time to waste. Things begin to turn.

A word of caution here, there will be days of sadness and unhappiness. Don't try to be the annoying positive thinker who pretends that everything is great. Sometimes we all have to do time in the dark seas. It's ok, just don't linger beyond the time necessary. Only you and God knows how long that is.

The great thing about choosing happiness is you'll become those choices. That's a beautiful place, a beautiful place indeed.

Scarcity

Convinced more and more that our search needs to be toward scarcity. In such a way that our abilities, talents, strengths, etc. are called upon to remedy the need for what is scarce. Economics reveals this too, but we can apply across platforms. Your ability to change the world for the better is linked here.

This assumes, like me, that you want to shake things up where you're at.

The End of Trust

Who do you trust? What do you trust? How do you trust? This is a difficult time for trust in America. Seems like just about everyone is pitching an angle or spin. Many have shrugged and found themselves saying hello to their jaded self.

We've arrived at the end of trust.

It's not so strange when you look back over the last 30 years. In my land of America, we made the mistake of thinking trust didn't need attention. We thought it would take care of itself. Like so many other things in life, trust doesn't just take care of itself. It requires priority and work.

I'll never forget a mentor asking once if I could be trusted with the gifts and talents I'd been given. It cut right through me because I knew he was referring to my ability to understand the meaning of given and my responsibility to live out the trust I ask for from people. That question has been part of my psyche ever since. A gut check for me.

Can you be trusted?

The conclusion is found in the wieght we assign to trust. If it's like a feather, then I hope you'll always be protected because you're going to need it. If it's heavy, I since you'll treat it with great care and respect wherever you give or ask for it.

Trust is a verb like no other in a world that's lost, not found.

What Do You Fear?

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If you're like me, my fears are ever present. This is not a confession that I live in daily fear, just a confession that, like you, I do battle with them. Part of the human condition I suppose. I wish more people would be willing to do battle in this area. Fears are so paralyzing.

The trick or method is not giving into our fears. Easy for me to write, eh?

Well, consider this reality from my life. I had a nightmare a few months ago where I was at the end of my life. I knew I was at the end because someone was with me in a waiting room representing God. He told me he was sad to tell me that I had missed my destiny. I began to cry.

Fast-forward and I wake from the dream, or nightmare in my mind, and in that early morning I feel panic. I start to wonder if I'm on the wrong track, I start to question what I've accomplished, I start to think I'm running out of time.

Fears.

Those fears still come to visit me from time to time. But when I remember the following, I don't give in:

  • I have done more in my life than my background would suggest I would.
  • I have been blessed to touch people with the written word (book and otherwise).
  • I have been asked to tell my story for the benefit of others.

I write all this, not as a feel-good-about-myself moment, but to illustrate truth. Truth that I can verify and truth that is a weapon against a fear that is false. But like you, I have to stop, breathe and remind myself of, again, what is true.

Reminding one-self of the truth is a good thing.

Thoughts on The Synergist by Les McKeown

Very excited to share some thoughts on a new book titled, The Synergist: How to Lead Your Team to Predictable Success by Les McKeown. I must say the book is a must for anyone involved or interested in organizational development and teamwork. Mr. McKeown articulates a reliable way for groups to form and perform as a team. As someone who thinks the word team is as worn out as the word leadership, it's refreshing to read a thought leader who truly understands what the word means in the real world.

I am biased in my fondness for this book because he described me, personally, in one of the chapters. It was rather haunting, but in a good way.

Mr. McKeown has a vast background in working the land of organizational development. He applies this in a way that is understandable and relevant, regardless of your position/role. 

Here are some key take-aways I gained from the book:

  • Effective teams are made up of 4 different types (the visionary, the operator, the processor, and the synergist) of people.
  • Every group and team comes to the table with a natural bent. The bent is neither good or bad, it's the human being being who they are.
  • Evey organization is aligned for the outcomes it experiences.
  • There is a life cycle for every team and organization. I found it interesting how choices drive so much of this.
  • Many groups find themselves in a ditch due to their inability to see each player as a unique contributor.
  • The synergist role (the person who brings clarity in an unbiased manner) is a sort of lynch-pin in every high performing team. You'll understand more when you read the book.
  • Mr. McKeown uses real-world examples to drive his premise. 

This post is not long enough to give you all that the book delivers. But the book really is like guidebook. You owe it to yourself to check it out. 

You’re a Team, Like It or Not

If what you do requires a group of people to make it happen, then you're a team, like it or not. obviously, there are many implications in those words. Webster's defines team in the following way:

A number of persons associated together in work or activity

Not as romantic as we often hear today. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe the romantic should be left to those groups who are endeavoring in things bigger than themselves. Funny how the human heart longs for the romantic.

No such thing as perfection, but you've got to do all you can to find this.

Formed Opinion

Formed opinions happen all the time. We all walk around everyday setting things, and people, in place. You'd think we're setting the table for dinner. There is a certain level of comfort for humans when they can line things up.

The only problem is formed opinions are often flawed. Sometimes they can be fatally flawed.

When it comes to humans, we need to factor in the dynamic nature of how we're made. People are shaped by a lot more than you can know. And don't make the mistake of thinking a Facebook post is a true representation of the person's heart. Many people are fixated on being "ok." Not many are willing to be truly vulnerable. Living in an age of judgement makes vulnerability a risky proposition.

Organizations are a bit different. Their behaviors are driven almost solely by culture. For example, if the culture is dedicated to serving customers, then that behavior will reign and the formed opinion will follow. I've known more than a few leaders who found this difficult to accept. But in the end, it doesn't matter what your marketing outlets say. It's always about what you do. One last caution, as you form your opinions about organizations (people too):

One event does not make a trend.

As you pay more attention to your formed opinions, remember that humility is a key component in making sure your formed opinions are solid. It's important because when you're wrong you can admit it and when you're right you won't feel the need to prosecute. I throw this your way because we're all limited.

How to Make the Most of Your Physical Health

I had a great breakthrough this week in the area of making the most of physical health. My endocrinologist for some time has wanted to put me on a statin to address my LDL cholesterol. My LDL was in a reasonable range for a normal (whatever that means) male my age. But I have Type 1 diabetes, so they treat all things heart-wise more aggressively. I don't need to write about the issues relating to heart disease and diabetes. Just the same, I did not want to do a statin for multiple reasons. The most important one was my desire to address the issue naturally. I have a great medical team that allows me to manage my health and they act as advisors. That helps a lot.

My LDL before last week's blood work was around 126, with a total number of 198. My current number is 102 and 186 respectively. Huge!

I will breakdown what I'm doing that has helped my cholesterol numbers and then some general stuff that is good to do overall.

Cholesterol

  1. Eating good fats from walnuts and almonds (serving size of a 1/4 cup each).
  2. 1-2 glasses of red wine (I pay attention to how the wine is crafted here. The longer the time for grape skins to be in contact with the juice, the better) per day. This book helped me a lot.
  3. I changed my workout routine about 5 months ago to high intensity interval training. I apply this in my running and strength training. This article explains the concept I use.

General

  1. Reduce the amount of refined sugar in my diet.
  2. Exercise every day.
  3. Find tools for stress relief
  4. Practice total life management. I've found this to be the key in finding balance and integration in life.
  5. Know God.

In the end, my body and mind is not your body and mind. I've only written about what has worked for me. Here's to your health.