Category: Learning

What Failure May Really Mean

There is no doubt that we here in America are success obsessed.  In some ways it makes total sense.  Everyone desires to see positive results from what we put our lives into.  Not everyone measures it the same, but the desire remains.  But in this frame, I'm focusing on the kind of success that we tie our self-worth and identity to.  It is a problem-a big one.

I don't intend to unwrap the root cause of this success obsession.  However, I want to point out how the problem blocks us from breakthroughs.  Somewhere along the continuum, we bought some very expensive lies.  For example, you understand what failure means in the land of of success obsession.  It is to be avoided at all costs and you are to stay away from anything or anyone who has the unfortunate luck of experiencing it.  This is a big mistake to make because the road to breakthrough is paved, in part, by failure.

What if failure is a house of experiements?  What if failure is a refining fire for character and integrity?  What if no true success can come without a significant amount of failure?  I see great value in experiments, integrity and true success.  This column from Sir James Dyson really sets a good tone on this.

 

Getting Involved In Something You Shouldn’t

There's a trap out there, actually a lot of traps, around getting involved in things you shouldn't.  It ranges from career, relationships, business ideas/plans, and much more.

The premise of why people do this is not easily figured out, but when it happens you can usually find self-deceit nearby.  The idea of telling yourself a lie in order to do something in the moment.  Just the moment and no further.  You find yourself regretting it every time.

One of the ways I've found effective in minimizing the number of times I make the mistake of mis-involvement, is to check my God-given peace meter.  For example, I sometimes get pitches to get involved with a business venture.  If I find myself debating or squirming inside, I know it's time to stop.  It doesn't mean I'll never do it.  It just means "right now" is not going to work.

The worst mistake is to move into self-deception and convince yourself that you should do something when everything in you says stop.  Your gut is worth listening to.

 

The Career Divorce

Scales of Justice 
First, this is not a post on marriage.  But it might help your marriage/relationship.

Have you ever considered filing for divorce, from your career in this context?  I don't mean resigning or changing employers.  Though that could be a good thing.  But I'm speaking of putting your career back to its rightful place.  The ending of allowing this segment to dominate the others.

What if your career can only be great when it stays its proper size/dimension?

What I'm advocating is counter-culture and is very difficult to pull off-especially in places where work is an altar to be worshiped at.  The secret is to get the "divorce thing" early or get hurt.  I didn't get it early and I got hurt.  My hope is I'm catching you at that early stage or in the midst of your hurting.

Here are some things to consider regarding your career's place in your wheel of life:

  1. Very rarely will you find an employer that REALLY wants you to have life-balance.  Though it flies in the face of proven research, employers are still drunk on profit-first.  Nothing wrong with profit, but getting drunk can and does kill.  Given this, why not stop being in awe and work on becoming irreplaceable.  That way, you won't fall into the trap of being in a slave/slave-master relationship with your employer.  You really are helping the organization when you have this mind-set.
  2. Start practicing total life management.  We can help here.  I have found that way too many people feel they can leave parts of their lives on auto pilot.  It's not a case that people want to do this, they're either afraid or unsure of where to turn.  I wrote this piece last week about our issues around trust.  Think of it like your car; all cylinders need to be working properly and together to get you to where you want to go.
  3. Small is a very big word.  Start small and end great.  Set small goals, conduct small expeiments, find celebration and victory in the small things.  What you're actually doing is moving yourself toward your "big" thing.  Most confuse thinking big with the process of getting there.
  4. It's not too late for a turn-around.  Unless, you don't think you're worth it.  Which would be crazy to think considering your DNA.  This is very important if you're further along in the race.  See #3 for further encouragement.
  5. At some point, sooner or later, your life will have the final say.  Listen to your life.

The DNA Seminar

Human eye 
The following is an updated post I wrote a few years ago.  Subject matter is still relevant and the problem is still pervasive.  Leaders/managers hear the bell.

A friend of my wife's lost his job this past Monday.  It was done in the name of saving costs.  Yes, at one time or the other you're a cost.  No promises, right?  It's a tough situation that is only made worse by organizations who make lots of promises.

Funny thing is the group he worked in was just started a year ago.  How can you know in twelve months whether something will fly? 

So what to do when Mommy and Daddy fly?  Sorry for the flippant reaction, but this guy just moved here from the west.  Why not use some candor and tell the employees that the organization isn't sure about the prospects and it may not go the way of success?  Two faces are the issue here.  And before you think I'm conjuring this stuff up, please know I've delivered the "two-faced" speech in my former corporate management life.  It went something like this; one face was in the room with management stating we'll let them go if the unit oesn't meet targets (usually unrealistic).  Another face was in front of the employees stating how the future was bright.

I write this post today to communicate something simple, yet complex.  Every leader who has human beings following them should be required to attend an all-day seminar on the marvels of human DNA.  If I were conducting the seminar I would say the following at its conclusion:

"After today think long and hard about who follows you.  And when you make your plans think about the implications-they're real and worth your consideration."

You can read here about some of the dynamics of our DNA.

The Problem With Talking Points

Talking Points 

Many years ago, some of my colleagues and I would joke about various talking points executed in the oh-so many meetings we attended.  What was ever striking about those talking points was the lack of conviction and sincerity.

So why the problem?

At some level we crossed over the line of danger when it comes to our words-spoken and written.  So much so, that many inside of organizations, families, churches, communities, and governments are jaded.  We've blurred the picture of what is real and what is fiction.  Regrettable leaders now feel comfortable using words in truth and lie.  They see this time as one meant for convenience and opportunity. 

Is there hope here?

The short answer is yes.  But the following needs to be adopted:

  1. Stop ceding your voice to those who think they're smarter than you.  Often-times they're not and should never be given the power to smother you.  It's a basic human thing that is bigger than a position, a title or career security.
  2. Stop allowing fame and fortune to cause you to turn the ether on.  The courageous and integrity driven folks are often never on Oprah.  But if we only see fame and fortune as valid, how will we recognize the "real" and authentic?
  3. Stop living someone else's life.  I wear a size 40 jacket, you wear a size 42, so why should you try wearing my jacket?  Your size is what you were meant to wear.  And by the way you'll be happier.
  4. Stop listening to the negative voices in your head.  Specifically, the type that cause you to run and hide.  Negative voices are inherently evil.
  5. Start demanding honesty from those that lead you, serve you or ask you for your money.  You're worth it!

Defining A Blue Sky Experience

 March 28 2011 002

How do you define a blue sky experience? Is it some place over yonder? Is it a person? I see it as a moment. Just one moment.

Even in a business like mine where you work hard to get people engaged, I always take a step back and consider those who claim they have no time, shrink back in fear or laugh off the thought of what a blue sky experience might mean.  I guess you can't escape all of the things that get in the way of blue skies.

Since we began our partnership with Take Time for Your Life, it has become very clear about what's at stake.  Think of the premise of the words "take time for your life."  The urgency is great here, we actually are in the business of helping people put their life first.  Not their career, not a degree, but their life.  A life that includes career, education and more.

So the blue sky experience requires you to put your life first.  It requires you to understand that you only have so many times to see it feel it, embrace it.  It requires you to understand that the blue sky experience was given to you as a gift of sorts.  A wonderful gift.

I am an experiential writer and guide, so you need to know that I'm not just poking around here.  The picture in this post was taken in a moment today.  A moment I almost passed up because I thought I had so much work to finish, and I did.  But I turned around.  About an hour after I took the shot, I had to remind my mom that theattorney needed my dad's death certificate to finish her estate plans.  Admittedly, my blues increased substantially.

Enjoy your blue skies when you see them.  

Sometimes It’s Better To Be A Role Player

I've been thinking a lot recently about role players. When you think about it, these folks are very crucial to any REAL team. You know what I mean, a group of people who know the goals are bigger than the individual desires of each team member. Well, I digress, the role players are crucial. Most significant victories would never happen without them.

There is a certain implication that comes with being a role player, namely you must be willing to be in the background or behind the scenes. Humility is the implied character trait here. This is difficult. Our culture (business, media, church, and maybe even family) doesn't laud humility. So it can lead you to wonder where's the spotlight on your achievements. Maybe you don't need the limelight. Maybe the limelight is overrated.

You need to evaluate hard what the coaching staff looks like in your organization. If it's weak, then time to reconsider. Effective organizations know the importance and live out the importance of strong coaching. They know that the best coaches know how to get the best out of each player. The best coaches take the time to understand each individual and then find the place where they can excel. Again, the application applies to multiple places in life. So whether you're a reserve guard for a team in the Sweet Sixteen or a business analyst in a Fortune 500 firm, you've got to have a coach that knows you and you have to have the humility accept not a lot of lime light if your best suited to be a role player.

We all need to find that place where we're satisfied with our role. Even if it's the role of a role player.

Do You Know What Your Work Is?

Worker bees 
Do you know what your work is?  Most people could rattle off a list of things related to their career.  For example, a title, an employer's name, annual sales, deferred compensation, etc.  But those things are abstract compared to what your work is.  If you want a starting point in finding an answer, then the following question must be asked:

If you lost everything related to your career and I asked you to help my mission/movement, what could you offer?

Now notice, I didn't ask about your credentials, your experience, your references or what companies you worked for before.  I focused my question on you.  You!  That's where the answers begin to come into focus.  I know that may make you uncomfortable for a host of reasons.

Some people got their work from their parents, from their religion, from peer pressure, and it's all wrong.  Some people followed a path they couldn't fully see unfolding and stayed on it, and it's all right.  Regardless of which one represents you, the game is not over.  Unless you've fully surrendered and choose to look the other way.  What matters most is where you're going, not where you've been.  There's no greater a story than the person who says and lives out. "I need to make a change."

The following outlines some ways to get to that place of a fully-defined work:

  • Compile a list of what makes you come alive, makes you satisfied even when it exhausts you, makes you want to talk about it.  There could be other examples, but just start compiling.
  • Stop the negative self-talk.  You've made some mistakes, I've made some mistakes, everybody has.
  • Be vulnerable.  This opens the door to courage.  It will help you when you have to tell the world you need to make a change.
  • Before you rush into making a change ask yourself if your current setting is suited for your work.  Your current business, employer, etc., may be a great fit.  The main thing is to define what your work is.
  • If a change in career, for example, is necessary, then start small and build to the big.  Most people run out of gas because they go to fast and too far at once.  Patience is a virtue.

What A Florist Taught Me About Life and Work

Spring_Crocus 

I've taught people about the idea of "doing" what makes you come alive many times in my work.  You've either witnessed it in other people or discovered it within yourself.  Regardless, it's priceless and leaves a mark on you.

A couple of weeks ago I went to a florist in my city to buy my wife flowers.  I went to this small business because a couple of friends had just purchased it and I wanted to give them my business.

When I walked in I greeted Amy and congratulated her on the purchase and asked her how things were going.  She talked about the various marketing ideas she had, the changes to the look and feel of the store that were to come and how crazy things were going into the Valentines Day holiday.  But there was one thing she said that left a big mark on me.  The following are her words:

    "When I'm in the back working on arrangements, that's my place, that's my time to be."

Here's what I learned, and am still learning, from her words:

  1. Knowing who you are versus who you are not makes a big difference.
  2. Epic Living is defined by the individual and looks different for each person.
  3. Our Life is screaming out to us to pay attention.
  4. You have to have the vision, the willingness to act and the patience to experience your dreams.
  5. Entrepreneurism is a road filled with opportunity and risk.
  6. Doing a work that requires you to show up is essential.
  7. It's very important to listen to the stories of others.

I'm sure there's more I could add to the list, but we all can utter the words Amy did if we truly are willing to go on the journey.  It's my life's work to help you.