Category: Learning

Does Your Facebook Status Give You Meaning

I came across this piece from Ed Batista today and it speaks volumes.

It got me thinking about how we view our status in life and the value we place on it.  In many ways it can consume our energy in life.  We don't often utter it, but we live it out for all the world to see.  What's my Facebook status, what's my job title or how much mortgage can I afford.  Often these are just masks for other motivations.  Most specifically to be seen as someone worth paying attention to.

In my days of roaming the corporate plain, I used multiple forms of status to give me a brief feeling (note brief) of satisfaction.  Obviously, the working life didn't make a lot of sense to me.  Like the man or woman who drives home feeling glad they earn six figures.   The feeling satisfies, but for only a moment.

Here are a list of some things that I see as long-term status symbols.  And can stand the raging winds when they come:

  • A relationship with God.  Not religion, but a friend to scream at (I've been doing this a lot lately), cry to and a trusted source for insight.
  • A family.  Include as many or few to nail this one.
  • A mission.  Something you pursue until the last breath.
  • A community.  A group of people that you can give heart to (thanks Cyndi).
  • A healthy physical lifestyle.  This communicates the value you place on the gift of life itself.

Embracing The Upside and Downside

In our pursuits (career, money, family, relationships) we find it easy to embrace the upside.  Let's face it; everybody's looking for a win.

Focusing on the upside is a good trait to have.  Probably means you're an optimist.  The world can use more of those, so all-in-all its good.

The question remains for us all: do we spend enough time embracing the downside?  Not to extremes or morbidity, just a firm, calm consideration.  Maybe it'll prepare (as much as anyone can prepare) you for the tough times.  Maybe it'll make you more humble, realizing that the downside is not a question of if, but when.

You'll be better for what feels like it kills.

I offer the following on embracing the upside and downside:

  • The downside is a long-term fertilizer for the upside.  Please note the long-term part of this advice.
  • Slowdown to see the upside.  Way too many leaders are "task" and "do."  You don't want to wake up one day wondering what happened.  You'll have be deliberate here, so make an appointment with yourself to stop and look around.
  • The downside can be scary.  Facing it is the only right approach.
  • The only way to eliminate risk is to stop.  Stop loving, stop learning, stop serving, just be a spectator.
  • You won't find your strength in prime-time.  It's found in places and people who you never expected to find connection with.  Prime-time people are only there for the party.  Stop the party, and they stop the caring. 

How We Were Meant To Respond In A Changing World

It's obvious that the world has changed.  Some say for the better, some say for the worse.  I think the truth is found somewhere in the middle.

Regardless of your opinion, I want to address the human response we were designed to have in the midst of change-especially the crushing variety.

When my father passed away some weeks ago, I entered into a place of deep pain.  To say he left a void would be an understatement.  But what is striking is the advice a friend and adviser gave me.  He told me to expect, potentially, a two-year journey through grieving.  I immediately thought: "I don't have two years to give."  My mind, body and soul said: "yes you do."  You see the dichotomy between my "poser" self and the real Eric Pennington?

I am no longer able to deny the real Eric Pennington, so I am preparing for whatever may come.  This hasn't set well with some because of their need for me to be ok.  I understand this and I am learning to navigate these waters with grace.  It hurts.

So what do you do when the changes (career, love, death, other life events) come?  Do you resort to old tricks?  Do you convince yourself that you just haven't found the right marketing (yes, we apply marketing to our personal lives)?

Here are some observations that I have found appropriate in moving through a changing world:

  • Some things are meant to end.  Letting go not only sets a pace for coping, but it allows the new to enter.  I don't miss corporate America because I found my life when I lost that way of existing.  The pain of that was excruciating and liberating all at the same time.
  • Our lives are a story played in the midst of a backdrop called eternity.  A heaven-created story on display for all to see.  Keep in-mind here that no great movie or book is predictable.  So if you have a great life, it will look different than you imagined-better I might add.
  • We must come to terms with our fears.  Yours could be different than mine, but we were designed to confront them.  Not doing this will leave you crippled and half-alive.  Don't by into the dogma of "I'm ok, your ok."  Assigning blame to a circumstance or another person is a recipe for regret.
  • Believing in a vision and it's eventual matching up with life is essential.  For example, I have a vision of a day when the thought of my father will not illicit heartbreak.  Life does not meet up to that now, but it will.  Use this in any change path and you will inject a hope of great depth.
  • Knowing yourself through a deliberate inventory of your tendencies will make sense of your journey.  I haven't always done this well.  I've spent days asking why I have recurring challenges of a certain variety.  I have discovered that these challenges were my tendencies.  For example, virtually all my life I have been underestimated.  Many doubters, many scoffers and critics alike would bring resistance.  When I recognized that underestimation was a tremendous tool, I experience much success and breakthrough.  Know your tendencies.

A Vivid Dream Of My Father

Scotland

I am wired for dreaming.  Been that way for as long as I can remember.

I guess its no surprise then that I would grieve via the dream path.  Such was the case a couple of nights ago when I had a vivid dream of my father.  I need to write about this, so bear with me.

In the dream I found myself arriving at a hospital and moving quickly to an area that was obviously ICU.  Before I got to the actual patient area I saw a family weeping.  In my mind I thought: I understand. 

When I reached what I knew was the final destination, there lying motionless and peaceful was a man I did not know.  A loved one standing next to me was weeping.  In my mind I thought: I understand. 

Not much longer I turned and saw my father.  He looked like the first man.  He was lying motionless and peaceful.  In my mind I thought: I understand, he's gone.

To my shock, my father woke up and began to make haste to leave.  The nurses settled him and ask him to sit calmly on an empty bed.  With eagerness he did so…as I looked on somewhat confused.  I approached him to embrace, but as my arms wrapped around him he disappeared and I awoke from the dream.

And painfully in my mind I thought: I understand.

Finding Something Bigger Than Yourself

These days I feel like an alien.  Could be a good thing considering our culture, our times and my grief.

Mother Teresa and Nelson found something bigger than themselves.  Both paid a high price, but the mark/legacy is indisputable.  They were not people of merely words, but of action.  I have to believe that God designed them to specifically leave an imprint. 

I used to think that certain leaders were special.  Sort of the chosen ones who were given a green light while the masses just looked on.  I don't believe that anymore.  God doesn't waste DNA on anyone, but we do sometimes get watered down.  Who we are vanishes in a haze of success and pursuits.  Ever notice how a poor economy unmasks this act.  Take away the toys and who we are is on display. 

I'm rethinking the meaning behind economic downturn.

Maybe all of the messages about uncertainty are true.  Maybe this is the best place we could ever hope to be in.  No more dependence on government (liberal or conservative), no more hope in Wall Street, no more turning away, just asking questions that are personal.  Questions like the following:

  • Mother Teresa said that Calcuttas are everywhere.  If that's true then where's your Calcutta?
  • If death is certain, then how do you cheat the grave?  Here's a hint: Do what my dad did, poor yourself into someone (me) without them knowing it.
  • Have you found something that leaves you totally vulnerable?  Could be a person, vision, movement or organization.
  • What are you afraid of?  This answer will reveal your greatest threat.
  • Will anyone be the better for your contribution/participation.
  • Have you given up serving by proxy.
  • Has your heart been broken?  This could the place to find your greatest imprint.

A Stimulus Package That Will Work

Stimulus photo 2

Since there is so much discussion about the stimulus package here in the USA, I thought I would offer my own stimulus package consideration.  No votes required, but comments are always welcome.

Before I unveil my package, please remember I'm introducing change.  Change implies pain and a gap between the spoken desire and the behavior change.  The list below has been proven to work-at least in my life:

  1. Get healthy by changing your diet and starting an exercise routine.  You'll save money on your grocery bill and you might add years to your life.
  2. Love deeply everyday.  It will affect the quality of your life and those around you.
  3. Cut back on your consumption of media that is negative.  I write cut back because I don't recommend burying your head in the sand.  Get your information and move on.  Don't romance gloom and doom.
  4. Stop worshiping at the alter of money and career success.  Money and careers were designed to be tools for a great life.  Value a great life and the rest will follow.
  5. Stop embracing fear.  If I asked you to buy a story based on False Evidence Appearing Real, would you pay?
  6. Get a mentor and a coach to see you through this package.  You were not designed to go it alone.
  7. Return to God.  He designed you in a way that produces beauty and happiness.  It seems to me he'd be good at giving you a path toward a great life.