A wonderful talk on innovation in higher education.
Don’t Let Career Snuff Out Your Dreams
Dreams are fragile things. They’re given as a spark, designed to turn into a flame. That flame should only go out if used to ignite the new dream.
That’s why I don’t want you to let career snuff out your dreams.
No surprise, but keeping our dreams alive is very hard work. More and more hard work is not esteemed. We’ve been programmed (deceived) to believe there’s an easier pathway. The reality remains, keeping dreams alive requires hard work. It’s worth all you have.
I see our dreams as brushstrokes on the canvas of our lives. We were made to dream.
The most insidious enemy of our dreams is career. Career is the ring, the untamed beast, the riptide. It can be mastered when one orders their lives. It be made to be slave if you have the courage to be who you are. If not, it will seek to be the dominate force in your life. I’ve been fighting for over ten years.
Here’s why:
- I want to make God smile
- I want my family to have a legacy rooted in the power of dreams
- I know the BS our society spews, is just that, BS. Didn’t always see that, but now I do
- It makes choosing happiness worthwhile
- Dreams are key ingredients in destiny
What are you doing with your dreams?
Working Through the Insecurities
This is a re-post from earlier this year. It was timely for me, maybe for you too.
If you’re a man or woman who sees vulnerability as a weakness, this post might not be for you. I still hope you’ll stick around as we work through the insecurities.
Insecurities are like demons or monsters that play the role of human disrupters. These creatures are always lurking in the shadows waiting for just the right moment to remind you and I of:
- How we failed
- How our work is not that great
- How much smarter the guy or gal next to us is
- How we’ll never be picked to play a major role
- How we are not worth the love we long for
Now remember, this is a You and I post. We’re traveling together on this war-torn road. Scars and such are a given here.
In the arena of life, insecurities have most in an iron grip. They cast you in iron and demand you become a slave. Some are by design, some by accident. You don’t need to look any further than how medicated western culture is, and the eastern culture is heading there as well. Our relationships suffer and we can’t seem to sustain connection.We use what is found under the sun to distract us from looking at ourselves soberly. It’s an evil thing, our insecurities. I hate to admit it, you hate to admit it, but we are our own worst enemy.
I’m someone who has identified and dealt with most of my insecurities. I didn’t do this alone. I’ve had multiple advisors over the years to help. I’m blessed by their willingness to stick with me through my insecurities. Whether it was my bravado hiding my fear of what people thought of me, or my doubts regarding the quality of my work. They stayed beside me, despite the ugliness. This is love. My friends, most don’t stay. It can be messy, it can be hard work, and it can be embarrassing. Do you have people who will stick with you?
I figure I owe you the ugly side now. We’re a mess, and all of the pop-humanist thought isn’t going to change that. Billions on education, health, leadership, technology, and we’re still slipping away. So many hiding places, so little time. These places provide an escape from our insecurities. Take the man or woman who thinks a promotion or a relationship will fix what is haunting inside. There’s always another rung to climb, a person to possess. Eventually, we only have so many escapes before we get caught. Living under the sun is a rather subtle addiction. You just kind of do it.
So who’s going to clean up the mess?
I’m in this for the few (however many that may be) who decided not to ignore. If you count yourself in that group today, listen in and reach out to me.
Focusing On the Small
Regardless of your endeavor, you probably have at one time or another thought about hitting it big. Natural as the air you breathe it seems. In many respects big is a good thing-if it is a part of your destiny. For example, Nelson Mandela was meant to have worldwide notoriety and focus. He was the right man for the journey South Africa was in. It’s also quite a statement how he released power, while some of his contemporaries held (and are still holding) on. See Robert Mugabe and Zimbabwe on this. In an ironic way leadership plays out like this everyday in organizations across the globe.
So as we hear the music playing our tune, it’s easy to embrace the big.
I’ve been asked about Oprah, about fame, about money, about feeling the love. But rarely am I asked about the input, the mission, or the pain. Maybe there’s no surprise here, since we are enamored with the output. If I were not careful, I could easily miss the small while going for the big. Thankfully, humility is now in my blood work. Wasn’t always this way.
Here’s why the small is most important:
- Hitting the big is very temporal. Hitting the small refines your soul. It will keep you focused.
- The small people are the biggest people.
- Those who are only fascinated by the big will leave you in a heartbeat when the party is over.
- The small allows you to serve from a perspective of reality and measurable outcome.
- The small will stay with you come good or bad. The small knows dedication.
- The small will pave a way for greatness and a measurable legacy.
- The small reminds you (daily) that life truly is a moment by moment game.
- The small will not detour you from your destiny.
- Customers are always found and served in the small.
5 Reasons To Just Be Who You Are
After much searching, maybe you’ve come to the conclusion that it’s much better to just be who you are. I really believe you won’t embrace change until you get to the end of the search.
At the end of a search you should be tired, maybe sick and tired.
I know that many will not go here. They’d rather escape or medicate. It’s sad when a life, brief as it is, is made up in a spiral of dead ends.
Here are 5 reasons to just be who you are:
- You will run out of time. You, me, Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs, and everyone else has this in common.
- Heaven knows we don’t need any more actors or actresses. I’ve given some Oscar-worthy performances in my life and they left me with nothing.
- The secret of success is found in being who you are. Warning here, the world you live in probably has a cheap imitation to offer. If you’re not careful, you could be fooled.
- The world is starving for it. With so many people neck deep in their own kingdom building, people are looking for the “real thing.” Many wonder if it really exists any longer. Hope is found in authenticity.
- You could find out why God made you. How wonderful! This is a connection you shouldn’t underestimate.
What I Learned From a Navy Seal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxBQLFLei70&feature=share&list=FLmlSfhZ4PURvJxJR2GEj3jg
A friend sent this speech my way a few weeks ago. It was a timely message. The speaker is a Navy Seal (an admiral if memory is correct) by the name of William McRaven. His experiences inspired, and challenged the way I look at everyday life as well. I wrote this post a few years ago about the Seals. It made so much sense back then. Admiral McRaven”s experiences are meant for all of us.
Here’s what I learned from this Navy Seal:
Our culture is upside down. We live in a land that pushes out messages designed (on purpose or not) to convince us to seek pleasure and comfort. The truth is we all are Seals. Uniquely.
We don’t know our limits. Limits hurt, but they help. They allow us to operate in places yet seen. With disruption all around, being able to see what is yet seen is vital
We live as voyeurs. Admiral McRaven is special, even though he makes it clear that he is not, in our heads. It’s as if we feel we can watch the Navy Seal and live vicariously through him. Epic living is not a spectator sport.
Safety, security and stability are not our friends. Once again, our culture says I’m crazy. The sad irony is when we pursue those three fakes, we insure our loss of the real version of them. This deception is very subtle, so be on guard.
You will be laughed at, you will lose the hangers-on. Our perspective in America on failure is warped. So many are living to not lose. Nobody wishes for failure. However, when it occurs it’s a clarity and wisdom-giver. Success won’t help you here.
Remember, your life is relative to mine, as mine is to Admiral McRaven. The key is finding your limits and honestly pursuing them.
Wellbeing on Your Terms
We live in the age of the prescription. The list is long and varied. Drugs (legal) are prescribed to mask or fix health issues. Fitness gurus will prescribe workout plans to help you lose that extra 15 pounds. All in all, we’re in an age of being told what to do. Aren’t you a little tired of that? In some areas of life, prescribing is appropriate. However, it can be a slippery slope.
What if wellbeing should be on your terms? What if your uniqueness should drive how you approach wellbeing?
In my work, I help people find wellbeing that fits who they are and who they aspire to be. Wellbeing that sticks is found here. Far too often people exchange their identity for someone else’s. That someone usually lives in a world way beyond the reach. Ceding identity is a recipe for long term failure.
The best approach is to embrace who you are, and the gifts you’ve been given. Sound simple? It is and it isn’t. The simple part is you’ve got a choice in the matter. The complex part is dealing with all the insecurities and fears. This two-headed beast is ferocious. Many people try to lock up the beast and hope not to have to deal with it, or worse, surrender.
I have areas in my life that have taken, for what seems like a lifetime, much effort and time to be at peace with. I don’t always like to look in the eyes of what hurts me, but making peace allows me to move forward whole and inspired. The trick is having the faith that what lies past your insecurities is the place you’ve always wanted to be. Wellbeing on your terms is the only way to get there.
What Do You Expect?
There’s something to setting proper expectations. Especially, in a world that has changed, but still looks and often feels the same. In our gut, we know it’s important to set proper expectations. It’s just so hard. The war is found in our mind. Are we willing to be laughed at by the herd for seeing things as they truly are? Many walk away.
So, what do you expect?
I’ve had more than a few seasons of looking for the old version of success and accomplishment. I’ve had more than a few seasons where I’ve thought those closest to me had written me off. I was easily seduced by the old static days. The sweet dance and embrace of holding onto something not really there. At least until I had fallen hard. These all were fantasy expectations around ego and hiding grounds.
The unwind is a very difficult business.
Many are looking hard. Looking for answers and direction. This is all happening in a time of mass disruption. Imagine living in between the old and the new. Transition, as my friend Terry would say. Proper expectations as you make your way through is a vital art.
Consider this:
- Can your relationships really deliver the movement and growth you need? Do you find yourself asking someone immature to give you encouragement? Maybe you just want them to be what they can’t. Only you know if the relationship is toxic in nature or just one that needs a reset. Watch out for radical movements in this area.
- Are you looking for someone or something to make you happy. Do you jump from person to person expecting them to solve you? There is only one person who can make you happy, go to the mirror and you will find them.
- Do you expect your employer to take care of you? Really big dangers here. Many misconstrue the emotional high found at work for authentic care. Just keep in mind, most publicly traded companies have allegiances to about 5 things (shareholders, Wall Street analysts, profits, customers, and expense control) other than you, the employee. Only you can know if being number 6 is okay. Again, what do you expect in this area of life?
- Do you expect that your life will always be an unending winning streak? More people than you think, are petrified by the thought of loss. They rationalize, they prepare in order to protect themselves from that dreaded day when the score shows one for the loss column. Losing for me is not the thing to be afraid of, not learning is the great risk.
- Are you waiting for someone else to speak up and exhibit leadership? Dr. Andrew Thorn says leadership is a behavior, not a skill. I agree. Go ahead and say something, go ahead and be willing to be a voice for those lacking.
5 Questions with Dr. Andrew Thorn, Author of Leading with Your Legacy In Mind
This edition of 5 Questions features Dr. Andrew Thorn. Dr. Thorn wrote a guest post on legacy last year, so I was excited when I had the opportunity to interview him about his new book Leading with Your Legacy In Mind. I know you’ll love our conversation and the book as well.
In the preface for the book, you give a personal take on the struggle between career and family. What’s one strategy from the book that could help someone breakthrough?
Choose to be guided by purpose instead of passion. The purpose of your work is not to be passionate, it is to be useful, to be honorable, and to be of value to your community. When we align with our passion we are constantly caught in the struggle of trying to feed our own self-interests. When we align with our purpose we make a difference, we add value, and we connect our actions to our values.
In our society, fame (even on a small scale), money and status drive many of us to leave our legacy in the dust. Is legacy becoming a forgotten art?
We have forgotten what legacy means and so naturally creating a legacy is a forgotten art. Too often we confuse it with impact, but that is what others feel. We carry our legacy with us. It is the ultimate answer to the question “Who am I?” That is why it is so important for each of us to live and lead with our legacy in mind.
You have a chapter in the book addressing the move from change to growth. What’s that all about?
Change is always driven by external pressures. None of us change because we want to, or because we like to. We may tell ourselves that we do it for those reasons, but in our most truthful moments, we recognize that we only change when we have to. When we do for external reasons, we rarely can sustain the change.
Growth on the other hand is internally motivated. It is the answer to our deepest yearnings and aspirations. It comes about as a result of true desire. This is what makes growth easier to sustain. There are still challenges and trials along the way, but we are committed to our own idea, so we keep at it when the going gets tough.
I read recently, that organizations spend billions on leadership development annually. Are we getting a good ROI in developing leaders?
Sadly, most leadership development initiatives fail to live up to their promise. This is because they are generally focused on the wrong things. Leadership is not a competency or a skill. It is a behavior. Most organizations are ill equipped to measure and manage behavior, but they are very effective at measuring and managing performance. Naturally, and without a lot of effort, most leadership development initiatives become nothing more than just another performance management strategy. When a leadership initiative becomes tied to performance the game is over. Instead of reaching deep into authenticity, it remains an effort to cover up weaknesses and threats. To grow, our weaknesses and threats need to be exposed so that we can understand them and even use them to our advantage.
Another reason why so many initiatives fail is because we forget that leadership is an individual journey. This makes it difficult to teach it in a group setting, but organizations are afraid that it will be too expensive to work with each individual. They know they have to do something so they invest in ineffective strategies, just so they can check the box. We can never check the box on our leadership development efforts. It must be ongoing or we will create a stagnant culture. No one wants that.
Do you believe we’d have better balance in life, if we made legacy a top-of-mind matter? What kind of positive outcomes might we see there?
I think balance happens naturally, so the only time we feel unbalanced is when something is wrong. In life and in work, the unbalances we feel are directly related to our own inability to focus on the things that matter most. We are easily distracted by our business and busyness and we run out of time and energy to deal with what really matters. This is an easy problem to fix. All we need to do is adjust our focus. This doesn’t mean that we forget the things that matter least, which would be impossible because they are directly tied to short-term demands. It simply means that we take time each day to put the big picture in perspective and then do our best to allow our short-term actions to be aligned with bringing that picture to life. When we do this, our legacy is strengthened and we are happy. Most people are surprised by how easy it is to focus and recalibrate their life and work experiences.
A pioneer and leader in the field of work/life balance; Dr. Andrew Thorn is widely recognized for his breakthrough thinking on how to help people discover their sense of purpose and create greater meaning from their personal and professional experiences. He personally guided 2 of the top 50 business thinkers, currently listed on The Thinkers 50. His work extends to over 50 major corporate clients and over 250 Senior Leaders from many of the Fortune 500 Companies.
Graduating with a Masters in Business Administration from Pepperdine University, Dr. Thorn also holds a PhD in Consulting Psychology and a Masters in Personal and Executive Coaching.
He resides near Los Angeles, CA with his wife of 25 years, Stacy, and their seven children.
Old Leaders, Old Ideas
Decided to take a look back and found this post from June of 2005. Ever experienced old leaders and their old ideas? Maybe you’ve approached your life this way. It’s a dangerous place, either way.
Isn’t it tragic how old leaders bring old ideas? Here are some reasons for this dysfunction:
- Old leaders look through the lens of the past. A place that “once was”
- Old leaders believe (foolishly) that what worked in the past will work again
- Old leaders grow old gradually…over time, and die before they are buried
- Old leaders are insecure and need an organization that will grow old with them
- Old leaders think change applies to others
I was at a holiday get-together this past weekend. One individual gave me some interesting insights. She worked for a company where many of the key leaders had moved onto another competitor. This was the result of a management shake-up some years ago. These leaders were now trying to implement a structure like the one they had some ten years ago. She hauntingly noted; “it didn’t work at our place ten years ago, and it won’t work at their new place.”
One of the common mistakes of management is the dysfunction of justifying the old by glorying in the “moments in the sun.” They experienced the success, and believed that is was a one-way ticket to everlasting success. Again, old leaders with old ideas.