Tag: life

A Day In the Epic Life

A friend told me some years ago that the Epic life is lived in the good and bad. His counsel has stayed with me. If you’re not careful, you could fall in the trap of believing an epic life is found in great heroics, acclaim or fame. It can be that, but honest people know it’s all about the moments. The following is a glimpse of a day in the epic life-mine:

Friday, August 18, 2017

7:30 AM – A walk in my neighborhood. Music playlist titled Yoga. Observing the moodiness of the clouds above me. A conversation with God

7:45 AM – Yoga and prayer

8:05 AM – Checking email and posting on social media

8:30 AM – Listening to Insight for Living and reflecting on living and dying

9:00 AM – Breakfast and listening to the news (local and national)

9:15 AM – Gig stuff (not Epic Living related). Quite bored and not finding it very meaningful. I push through because I have to

10:00 AM – Reached out to friends to check-in

10:05 AM – Back to the gig stuff

11:30 AM – Somethings wrong. Feel like my blood glucose is high. I test. 400 is the number. WT…

12:30 PM – Test my blood again. Still high. Take dosage of insulin. Getting frustrated because I haven’t eaten since 9.

12:45 PM – Cancelled 2 appointments, with apologies

1:30 PM – Feeling drained and listless. Take a nap

2:00 PM – Test my blood again. Lower number, but still too high. Decide not to take another dose. I’ve been burned before by getting too aggressive

2:45 PM – Looking at a draft version of a press release

2:45 PM – Prepare for a conference call

4:00 PM – Call medical provider about billing issues with insurance. I don’t like insurance companies. I see them as a legal racket. Very frustrated by the lack of competence and the game playing

4:20 PM – Talk with my wife about new opportunities and her so-called manager/leader. Hate seeing her go through. I listen.

 

As I look back over the day, it was epic. One thing that leaps out is the importance of morning prep. You never know what’s coming your way.

 

The Well-Being Guide

The Well-Being Guide is now officially out. If you haven’t picked up a copy yet, you can here.

I’m writing today to explain why I wrote the book and to ask for your help. So here goes:

  • I wrote the book for people (most all of us) who are living much of their lives at work. You know much of my journey, so it’s probably not a surprise to read that. I want the book to be a tool to help, encourage, reflect, and even disrupt.
  • I need your help to spread the word. If the book resonates with you, then I need help in getting others to “get what you got.” The tools to do the spreading range from social media to a direct conversation with a friend needing some direction.
  • My main goal, is to get employers (small to large) to buy the book for their employees. I can provide a decision-maker with a copy of the book and the organization can buy the book direct for volume pricing.

Reach out to me directly (comments section of the blog, email or phone) with questions or to discuss how you can help.

I appreciate you all.

The Space Between the Notes

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I’ve been thinking a lot about the space between the notes, in music and in life. Quite frankly, the blending of the two. As a musician, I was taught about the discipline of waiting and going forward. The discipline has served me well. Its been a cruel teacher when I’ve failed to take it seriously. It has been a two-sided friend.

I read a quote once credited to Bill Evans. He was asked in an interview why he seemed to linger after striking certain notes. His response was simply his desire to wait and see what the next note would bring. Jazz musicians have always been credited with strong improvisation skills. Obviously, or not , Bill Evans was a master at it. He believed that music was conversational.

Life is conversational.

In your race to grab a hold of something or someone, are you missing the space in between? Could it be that what you’re looking for is found there? The impact is always felt once a note is played. The best artists know true impact is felt in an echo or the lingering tone. It’s instinctive in so many respects, yet ignored in the same frame.

Is your life just a flurry of notes, full of hurry, clutter, fear, and doubt? Why won’t you slow down? Why won’t you let go?

I know many who fear what’s in between the notes. Between the notes we find the wounds. People often fear those same wounds will be exposed. Who will listen? Who will give empathy? The world has become shallow, and safe places to open up are becoming more rare. Social media has made it worse. I sometimes think about what it would be like to wave a magic wand and change it all, but of course I don’t possess that power. Life is tough and it can be daunting.

Take comfort, there is safety here.

Getting Help

Getting help is a term we all are familiar with. The words inspire empathy, care and concern. Those sentiments can turn to surprise and fear, when the help is related to mental wellbeing. The subject has so many connotations.

I’m currently looking into therapy-for me.

The Strong One

Throughout my life, I’ve been perceived as the “strong one.” I could withstand what many would crumble under. Part of the perception is true. I have seen a lot and endured most of it. My relationship with God has helped. Until 2017, I would have thought I had a sound game plan.

By way of suggestion, here are some of the tools in my game plan:

  • Relationship with God
  • Yoga
  • Laughter
  • Music
  • Good Nutrition
  • Mindfulness

It’s not that any of my tools for managing my mental health have failed me. My shift is rooted in needing another tool. Strength is revealed in our weakness.

The Circumstances

As I noted in my last post, I’m fighting on multiple fronts. What I’m fighting is not out of the ordinary. Many of you probably have or are feeling me right now. The point is it’s a fight, and if you want to win/survive, you have to do something. I’m choosing to get help in a way I could have used almost forty-years ago. Better late than never seems like a fitting statement here.

The Stigma

I’m pleasantly surprised that getting help with mental wellbeing isn’t causing “stigma.” One key for me is knowing who really cares about me. If you’re walking, or thinking about walking, in my shoes. I would really get this one locked down. The people who love you will encourage and support. It’s that simple. Those who associate getting help, with stigma, don’t matter. In the big picture of your soul.

The Next Page

Stay tuned…

Why Fear Blocks You

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The Age of Fear

In many ways we live in an age where fear is the driving motivator for so many. It’s crippling, it’s debilitating, and I can fill in the blank with many other descriptors. I really believe that fear is the force that blocks us from coming to what is truly our destiny.

I met with the client yesterday whom I described the idea of why fear blocks.

Imagine if you’re brought to a place where there are five doors. And each of those five doors has your name written on it maybe even your destiny. The only thing is each of the five doors have a wild animal in the very front of it this wild animal appears to be there to protect that door and keep you away from it. In this case, the animal represents your fear. It is a block. However, the wild animal continues to rage and it seems like as every second goes by the raging becomes louder and louder. You then begin to take in all that surrounds you and you begin the self conversation that so many of us have. The conversation of; “can I trust that this is real. What if I make this decision to go forward and this animal tears me apart. I don’t think I want to do this.”

In each of these situations you’re confronted with a crossroads. Many people at this point move themselves to the other side and go on about their life. They go on with the drone economy. And the drone economy is truly a place where people just put their heads down. The name of the game is to do something over and over until the game is over. See the idea of retirement here. There will be two types of responses. You either go through and fight through that wild beast your fear, or you’ll turn around and travel the road that leads to regret. The reality is those five doors, and those wild animals, represent the essence of living. Mark Twain was right when he wrote; “The two most important days of your life are the day you were born, and the day you find out why.”

Destiny and Fear

Often times we are sold the idea that destiny can be grasped and kept in a neat little box. The reality is far from that. Destiny can be found, but it can’t be captured for our personal drives. Thankfully, it pulls and directs. In the end, this is something that every person will face.

In my own life right now I am facing the door that has a wild animal, and maybe the wildest animal I’ve ever encountered. I have decided that I’m going to go ahead and move forward and fight my fear. Fortunately for me, I’ve had the other five doors before. I understand the dynamic. The interesting thing is every fear is different. Every theory requires a different set of perseverance. So there’s no easy answer and there is no silver bullet. There is only the answer of going forward and moving to what you’re supposed to be, what you’re supposed to be doing.

Living In the Incongruent

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Are you living in the incongruent?

Some years ago, my life was full of incongruent statements and values. I could quickly tell you how important God was to me, and then find myself obsessing over a business meeting yet to come. The irony was not many could call me out on it. The credit for that was found in my “Oscar-worthy” performances. Before you give me credit for my acting skills, you’re probably the same. Americans are especially good at self-deception.

Eventually, if you want something better, you’ll need to hang up your thespian ways and the incongruent values attached. The threat is we don’t have as much time as we think we do. Floating from thing to thing doesn’t grant you more time. Nor will the deceptions of our age. The marketing messages won’t support your highest aspirations here either. As a matter of fact, those messages may tell you to keep at it, or worse, convince you of the great loss in turning around. I speak from experience.

I have found great value in the following:

  1. Embrace failure like success. By no means do I think you should seek failure, but when it comes (it will) give it full embrace. Learning and grit follows this
  2. Slow down and find your breath. A nod here to mindfulness and prayer. The only way you can be who you want to be is to slow down and find it, or be found in my case
  3. Find someone who isn’t afraid to call you out. Typically, this person is not impressed by you, doesn’t want or need your money and is a truth teller with love motivating
  4. Be very suspicious of the marketing. Someone once told me that marketing is a lie, that reinforces the lie I tell myself
  5. Get exposure to things, ideas, that are outside of your comfort. You won’t change in your comfort. No reason to…

My eyes are wide open and the road ahead is shorter than the road behind me. I’d like you to join me, wherever you may be found,  and live true, not incongruent.

Shalom

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Shalom – is a Hebrew word meaning peace, harmony, wholeness, completeness, prosperity, welfare and tranquility

During this season it’s appropriate to desire peace. Everyone has their own idea of what it is and most everyone lives to find it. I think that’s what makes the holidays so special. We’re actually given room for the pursuit and the experience.

My wife gave me the definition of shalom a few weeks back. It struck me how appropriate and profound, regardless of the season. It describes peace beyond what the word conjures in your head. Shalom moves you to a state of being.

In my journey, the reality of the brevity of life, causes me to value what’s in front and not regret what’s behind. Shalom has made this realistic and true.

I hope this for you, now, and in 2016.

Comfort

“I don’t know who I am because I’m too busy living what I’m expected to be.”

The quote above came to me not so long ago. It was born out of a conversation.

If you walk long enough you might see a trend. In your work, your church, your family there is an unspoken system at work. I don’t mean to be observant, but comfort is a fashionable drug.

Here’s where I’m going:

  • Race through life to get to somewhere. A somewhere someone has already been
  • See work as all-important and surrender identity
  • Have faith in a tomorrow that you’re not able to guarantee
  • Succeed at the unimportant, while failing at what matters
  • Lie to yourself, over and over until it has an appearance of truth

Comfort is a funny thing. It allows you to hide, defend and fold. Your ability to displace comfort for the sake of your epic life, is a daunting task. It is especially daunting if you’ve made friends or peace with it.

If today is your “aha moment,” then move in such a way to turn around.

Succeeding in What Matters

“Our greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter.” – Francis Chan

The above quote came from a friend of mine. It is sobering and provoking.

Here’s what I did with it:

  • I looked back and reflected on my pursuits
  • I made a list of my successes and lined them up in two different categories (what matters and what doesn’t). I have changed a lot
  • I was impacted by the second chances given
  • When I considered the quote, I could make sense of my journey over a good ten years of living
  • Life is a story, I’m leaning into it. Happy or sad, I’m leaning in

You should make discovering what maters your greatest priority. Please know too, many will not encourage you to succeed in what matters. It’s a crazy irony that often we’re encouraged to pursue what ends in the meaningless.

Acceptance and Will

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“The hardest thing about really seeing and really hearing is when you have to do something about what you have seen and heard.” – Frederick Buechner

 

There are times, crucial times, in our lives when we have to stand strong in acceptance and allow our will to take over. The trick is found in how prepared we are. As you know, preparation is found in the sun and in the rain.

Do you know anyone who lives their life not to see the rain? Their endless pursuit is to avoid difficulties. I, like you, wouldn’t sign up for rain. However, it is inevitable to experience what hurts.

I see the sun and rain as equal, but different. Both are designed to shape who you are and who you will be. That’s why it’s so important to prepare in both situations. If we see the sun as good, and rain as bad, then we’ll become addicted to one and avoid the other like a plague. I know from experience this is true. Enter acceptance and will. The acceptance is found in seeing things, people, situations, etc., as real. The will is found in going through it to find the beauty on the other side. My father’s passing, marital struggles, walking away from corporate America, raising kids, all are examples for me. Notice the sun and rain in my list?

As we navigate the different conditions of life, I want you to understand the world we live in is shallow (no depth) and deceptive. Years can unfurl on us and we wonder what just happened. Prepare your art of acceptance and will.